The Biggest LOSER

Before we get into the actual "Restaurant Night" portion of our escapades, I must relate a story about our beloved "George." [Note: From now on, I will stop putting 'Jerry', 'Elaine', and 'George' in quotes because everyone knows by now that those are not our real names. Side note: Wait until you all get to meet Kramer!]

So, about a month ago, I was at a social/professional function that George attended as well. The social portion was catered and as I sat there, making the most of my free meal, George strolls up to the table with his bounty...a freaking salad! I looked at him (likely with marginal disgust) and asked the obvious question: "What the f*ck, Dude. Are you on a diet?" Much to my dismay, the answer was: "As a matter of fact, yes." (The Horror. The Horror!) Now, don't get me wrong, I could lose a pound or two. But, my "weight predicament" set in full throttle after I turned forty. To be honest, it has as much to do with my being completely lazy on days that I am not working. And given that food is often a "guilty pleasure" (remember the girlfriend that never wanted to eat out?), I will have to sweat it out on the StairMaster because I will NOT give up eating...PERIOD!

Anyway, it seems that George is in some sort of "Biggest Loser" type competition at work. God, please help him...and me! First, George is in fine shape. Second, the dude loves food even more than I do. And lastly, Elaine and I chose him to be part of 'Restaurant Night.' So, as George shovelled in his greens, I explained the concept, cringing as I waited for him to say something totally lame like, "I'm really sorry, but I can't." Much to my surprise (and ultimate appeasement), he said, rather quickly and forcefully I might add, "I'm in!" "But what about your diet?" "I won't eat for two days before we go out, just to save my calories. Dude, it is 'Restaurant Night.' What a great idea." That might not be verbatim, but it is close.

So the team was assembled, the cheesy Seinfeld references in place (but they really, really do fit), and Elaine was working on "The List, Volume 1." All that was left was to pick a night to "christen the ship," so-to-speak. When and where was the first order of business and the decision was made...Friday, January 23rd at the Elevator, High St., Columbus, Ohio.

Jerry