Tony's Italian Ristorante, Valentine's Day 2009

Valentine’s Day 2009 brought the “anti-date” for Elaine, George, and me. None of us are “involved,” which is something that we are all comfortable with at this point. That fact does not, however, keep us from engaging in conversation about relationships and the irritating aspects of them. So here we are, February 14 at Tony’s Italian Ristorante at West Beck and South High Streets in the Columbus Brewery District.

We arrived at the restaurant and got our seat fairly promptly. We were seated by Tony himself and had a table that I found to be a bit “busy.” I suppose we should have counted on it, since there were three of us and it was apparent that we were on an “anti-date” or that George and I were being pimped out by Elaine. Either way, Elaine was irritated that Tony suggested she sit between George and me, but I think the poor guy was just confused about what to do and I don’t think he meant anything by it. Anyway, shortly after being seated, there was a strange period of flashing lights that, at first, I thought to be something like the mysterious Texas fireball, but I eventually attributed to people on “actual dates” taking pictures of themselves. Nonetheless, Elaine was irritated by my irritation. Sorry, Elaine, but the two TVs were about three Zip codes away and both had the Ohio State basketball game on. Not a hint of Blue Jackets hockey to be seen. That would eventually gnaw at Elaine as she thought I was checking email on my “CrackBerry” (as she calls it), but I was really checking the Blue Jackets score. (By the way, they won.)

Our conversations throughout dinner and beyond were all over the map. We discussed George and his farm-living lifestyle which he intends to eventually include a herd of cows. The growth of said herd will require George to acquire the ability to artificially inseminate his “girl cows.” The conversation was actually quite mature, aside from my chiming in about George and his bestial tendencies. That eventually led to a conversation about my not being a “boob man,” which further irritated Elaine. Suffice it to say that the two bottles of Rancho Zabaco SHV Select Zinfandel that we consumed lent itself to an ongoing discussion that was probably “dirtier” than usual. I am not sure if the neighboring tables overheard us, but if they did, it was surely entertaining! George did reiterate the “pack wisdom” to Elaine as he explained why guys are more attracted to a girl who can hang with the ‘guy group’, but Elaine claims I prompted him to answer the way I wanted. I just considered the question to be rhetorical because I knew how George would answer. He is a guy and I did not lead him to an answer that I thought to be the “correct” one. But what does Elaine know; she is afraid of Amish people.

Anyway, the food. As I noted, we started with a bottle of Rancho Zabaco SHV Zinfandel which ultimately lead to a second bottle of the same. I like zinfandels in general and Rancho Zabaco vineyards as well, so it was a good choice, but again, not with what I ultimately chose as an entrée. We also shared an appetizer, the Bruschette Pomodore. It was a good choice for Elaine as it is vegetarian and I liked it, but I wish in retrospect we would have opted for the Roman bread that Elaine suggested as well. I got the Tony’s Fettuccini, which is the pride of the owner. It is fettuccini with shrimp, scallops, and surami crab. I thought a portion of my noodles were a bit too al dente and I wasn’t sure the crab wasn’t the “faux crab” that you can get at any grocery store. However, it was overall a very good dish. This says quite a bit because I generally opt for anything “meat”, especially when it comes to Italian fare. There is just too much veal to pass by, but I went ‘off the grid’ and I must say I was pleased with my meal.

One more item to note. I decided to write the body of the review, that being the springboard for the rebuttals (and denials) that I am certain will follow. But, Elaine, being a trooper, took it with a grin after the visit to the Elevator, so I’ll do the same, although I will not be worried about appearing to be a shrew, as Elaine was. If it appears that I was an asshole, chances are I was an asshole. Thus, I shall not just sit by and accept such, but rather wear it as a badge of honor. Until the next excursion….


Jerry


PS. Somehow, we managed to get George to pick up the tab. He must have been drunk because he admitted he was hung-over the next day.




[The Rebuttal]

Ah, Valentine’s Day, that most Hallmark of all holidays. While I don’t really celebrate Valentine’s Day, regardless of whether I’m in a relationship or not, I was happy to be out with my boys on our “anti-date”. After a soul-crushing week at work, some wine, good food and ridiculous conversation were in order. Also, I figured we’d at least mess with the heads of the other patrons who were trying to figure out the logistics of our particular “hat trick”, and we were successful in doing so. As Jerry said, I was annoyed by being “officially” seated by the owner. This was for two reasons: 1.) I don’t particularly like being told what to do, and 2.) I don’t like to sit in any sort of aisle. But, I went along with it, and it actually worked out okay since that put me in between George and Jerry, and George is a bit more soft-spoken than Nobody’s-Voice-Can-Be-Louder-Than-Mine-At-The-Table-Jerry.

While the wine and Bruschette Pomodore were nice, I have to say that my meal was a little, well, “meh”. It pains me to say that, as I’ve been to Tony’s several times before, and have always had positive experiences, but, unfortunately, this trip was a little off. I started with a House Salad with Italian dressing, and the salad was essentially a plate of all iceberg lettuce with a few black olives, garbanzo beans and tomato slices thrown in. Not prepared to dismiss the entire meal based on the salad, I gave my entrée of Spinach and Cheese Cannelloni a fair shake, only to be equally unimpressed by my main course. Don’t get me wrong – it was okay, the pasta was cooked well, but it was all just sort of bland. It was especially disappointing to me as I’ve had that same dish before with a bit stronger flavors. I’m not willing to write Tony’s off based on one so-so experience, though, so we’ll see what happens if we decide to revisit the joint later on. It was, in all fairness, a very busy night at the restaurant, so perhaps that explains it.

Now, I must address a few things that have come up in the brief course of Restaurant Night so far. Let’s start with the “wolf pack”. George did confirm Jerry’s theory that girls who hang with boys are more attractive to other boys. I essentially summed it up as, “So, you all basically want a girl that’s cool to hang out with, but who can still ‘bring it’ when it comes to ‘special time’?” I’m paraphrasing for the sake of keeping the blog mostly PG-13, and while I think George was slightly mortified by the exact way I described it that night, he got my point, and more or less agreed with my assessment. I think it was around that point that Jerry decided to lay out a particularly embarrassing fact about me from about, oh, 7 years ago, on George, in the interest of “building trust” in the group. Suffice it to say, I was horrified that Jerry decided to bust out that piece of information so early on in our little trio’s existence, but George didn’t seem to mind, and apparently we’re breaking down the walls. Anyway, despite all that nonsense, now that we’ve analyzed it some more, I think I really do understand the wolf pack, and I’m okay with my status as the she-wolf in our pack.

This brings me to Jerry’s comment about not being a “boob man”. The reason I was slightly miffed by this is that I have been, shall we say, “pectorally endowed” since about age 12, and still am. So, Jerry’s saying he’s not (or hasn’t been) a boob man stung a teeny-tiny bit, since we did, in fact, date, and I was, in fact, stacked, as they say. That’s the only reason it bugged me at all, but we discussed the next day and cleared the air, and all is well on that front (as it were).

Finally, the “shrew” comment must be explained. In reading over our last few blogs, I expressed to Jerry a concern that he might be portraying me as a bit of a shrew. After he stopped convulsing from laughter and disbelief (“A shrew?! Who uses that word?!”), he asked what I meant by that. Basically, I was worried that the way he was describing me was making me come off as a nag or that I was bossy/demanding. This troubled me because: 1.) I have a lot of guy friends, and actually prefer the company of guys over girls in a lot of ways – I don’t think my boys would be hanging around me if I was like that, and 2.) I take not being a “typical” girl pretty seriously – I’m a girly-girl for sure, but I’m just as happy to drink beer and watch football as I am to get dressed up and go out. So, just take Jerry’s descriptions of me with a grain of salt, as he may or may not be exaggerating for comedic effect.

Until the next adventure, look out for the Amish and beware of the wolf pack....


Elaine


[And finally, a word from the soft-spoken George]

The food was great and the service was exceptional. Let's not piss off Tony. I think he is connected. We don't want to end up in concrete boots, swimming at the bottom of a lake.

George